Ugh.

Well hoo- to the fucking ray.  It's that time of year again.  You know, that time when I realize what a complete and utter fuckup I am. 

I've gained back all of the weight I worked so hard to lose this summer. This means that not only have I gained back everything I lost in 2012, I've added another 25 pounds to that insanity.  I look like shit and, more importantly, I feel like shit.  My knees hurt.  I'm constantly out of breath.  I have acid reflux.  My cholesterol and my blood pressure are high.  My chest hurts.

The pleasures of the table and the bottle outrank everything else right now.  My husband, my family, my career, my future, and even my health take a back seat to the instant gratification provided by food and drink.

I'm afraid.

So I will do what frightened people everywhere do: Run.  I will run until I'm no longer afraid.  I will run until I get to where I want and need to be, and then I will run some more.

I will run.